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FEEDINGAMERICANOVEMBER

Events

IT’S TIME TO GET FLOCKED!
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The Flamingo Flocking Season is here. Granted, it’s an ornithological rarity, but we have confirmed reports that large flocks of flamingos will be landing on the lawns of unsuspecting Butler County area residents sometime in the near future.

Our highly confidential sources tell us that these particularly tacky birds, (pinkus flamingous plasticus) tend to show up in the dark of night, accompanied by several members of the Shared Harvest Foodbank, who generally do their best to not laugh and guffaw too loudly as they surreptitiously plant flocks of pink flamingos on local lawns.

WARNING: YOUR YARD COULD BE IN THEIR FLIGHT PATH!
Fortunately, there are a variety of cures for a flamingo infestation. Should you wake up one morning to a sea of pink flamingos on your lawn, take heart! There will be instructions on how, for a donation of $25, the nice folks at Shared Harvest Foodbank will come remove the pesky critters. Your lawn gets de-flamingoed and this worthy local group gets some much needed funding to feed those in need.

GOT A FLAMINGO-PHOBIA?
No worries!

By placing a quick call to 513-874-0114, you can purchase a Flamingo Flocking Insurance Policy for just $20. Once again, all monies will go to this outstanding local group and your home will be spared the embarrassment of blushing in various shades of pink!

DON’T GET MAD, GET EVEN!

Should you find a flamingo flock in your yard, you can “share the joy” by contacting the nice folks at Shared Harvest Foodbank, making a donation at your comfort level for flamingo removal and then, you can send the flock packing… TO ANYONE ELSE IN TOWN!

(And before anyone asks the question, the answer is YES…while it may not be entirely ethical, we DO take BRIBES in the form of the highest donation offered, to flock and re-flock anyone who hasn’t already had the good sense to purchase a Flamingo Flocking Insurance Policy.)

TO FLOCK A FRIEND/NEIGHBOR/VICTIM FILL OUT THIS FORM

or

TO MAKE A DONATION & WE’LL MIGRATE THE FLOCK CLICK HERE

Date you want the flock to arrive at your friend's lawn?

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IF YOUR YARD HAS BEEN FLOCKED AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO CLICK HERE!!!

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